I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
