do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
