you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
