he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
