i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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