when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
