I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
