So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
