It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
