I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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