I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize