so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize