mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
