I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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