I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
