woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
