you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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