the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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