omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
