Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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