Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
