the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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