You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
