This dress was meant to end up on your floor
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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