My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Its about making memories worth repressing
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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