I love black thongs
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
