I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
