She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
They took my balls.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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