Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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