I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
