He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
