I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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