I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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