If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
