You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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