The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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