Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
