my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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