Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
