I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
