I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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