I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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