so explain again why im purple
no
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
