i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
