Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
