she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize