One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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