Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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