Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
