Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
