69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
