i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
