its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
