also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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