Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
