I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
