Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
