we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
