So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
