I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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