Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
