I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
