You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
