I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
