were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize