I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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