I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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