Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
