but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
