What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm passing your future prison.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The uberlube is also flammable
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
