I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
