The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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