Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
